The Walls Come Down

Hi everyone, snow day here in less-than-sunny Southend so i've got no excuse but to finally write a new post. Between selling and buying a flat, a new training regime, exciting band stuff and of course, work, I've not been able to write as much recently.

Quick update, everything is fine.

Anyway...

A few months ago, I had a big ol' knock to my confidence from some people that thought the best way to spend a Saturday night was to jump on social media and harass me about how imperfect I am, as if I wasn't aware already.

So lets clear some things up:

- Yes, I was engaged twice. I thought it was the right thing both times and it wasn't. Have you ever made a mistake before?

- Yes, I enjoy writing music and performing with a band and no we're not delusional to the point of thinking we're going to make it big. Who is anyone else to tell me I can't spend my time, energy and commitment in that way?

- Yes, i'm mentally ill. But I deal with it, whats your excuse for finding some sick comedy from that?

After that "argument" there were feeble apologies made but in my admittedly wounded state of mind, I made my Instagram private, my Twitter private and deleted loads of old school friends from my Facebook and Snapchat. I even blocked a few people.

After a few days mulling this over, the walls are coming down. I unblocked everybody. I made everything available, for better or for worse.

If anyone feels they need to attack someone over the internet, or poke holes in someone's confidence, or shit all over the things you enjoy doing - thats their issue. Thats the sign of a small person unhappy with the way their life has progressed thus far.

Unless you're feeling brave, stupid, or you somehow think you're perfect (also stupid) - don't throw stones at me. Don't even look in my general direction if your mindset is one of negativity. Life is too short for me to worry about you and maybe its best if you learn the same about you.

One of the reasons for the feeble apology given was that "we live fairly local to each other and I don't want any trouble" - or something along those lines. If you think something you're going to say to someone should be sent via social media but it isn't something you can justify saying to their face - grow the fuck up.

I'm the furthest thing from perfect - I'm difficult to live with, I don't like responsibility, and I get too comfortable in routines. That said, i'm also incredibly passionate about what I do, the friendships I've made and the way I pulled myself back from the brink to rebuild. If you don't like that, I don't mind - i'm an intense, impulsive man-child with a lot of feelings. But I'm happy with who I am - if you can't say the same then please, don't throw stones at me.

People ask me why my life is in a sort of goldfish bowl - maybe its my lack of confidence, maybe its narcissism. What I do know is that people in a similar place to where I've been in the last year need to know that it gets easier. From the bottom there is nowhere to go but up, and it pays to ignore the people that make that climb harder.

Thank you for reading,

L

Comments